Go or Go Ahead
by Megaera80
Summary: Post BDM. The remaining crew of Serenity picks up a new passenger and gets involved in crime that threatens to tear them apart, though some parties get thrown together. Rayne-centric, possibly with other pairings.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: The "trespassing" line was liberated from the wonderful movie "Secretary" I was watching the other night and it just screamed "River!" It actually got the ball rolling on this story. This chapter is just a silly little thing. No plot in sight. Expect more meat later.

It was good to be in the Black again. The world that was fast receding behind them was becoming a memory, and as they burned out of atmo into the vast halls of space she thought:

"Finally. Here. I'm back."

She had missed the Black while they were dirtside. There was something about the boundless nothing of space that calmed her. It silenced the voices, or at least muffled them for a while, and allowed her mind to make room for her own thoughts. Wounds were still raw on Serenity, no amount of paint or patching had changed that, it only made them harder to see and as a result, River felt like she was constantly plugged into a live wire. It took great effort on her part to function at all, let alone normally, and sitting on the bridge, looking out at the stars seemed to help.

The rain was ceaseless on the Moon they had just left. A miserable little place called Tawaret; it could boast almost constant showers which came in two types, depending on the time of day, gray rain or black rain. Stuck on the bridge, the Captain still nervous about her and Simon's identity, she couldn't help thinking of the months after Miranda and _that_ rain. The main difference between them being that after Miranda the rain seemed to, almost, serve to heal. In the absence of visible sorrow among the crew, the skies opened and allowed them to mourn…..after a fashion. On Tawaret, all the rain served to do was make dirty jobs dirtier. For three days she had been confined to the bridge and she was glad to be leaving that rock behind, crime done, and to be, finally, staring into the Black.

Most of her time was spent on the bridge now, confinement or not. She had given up hiding in ventilation shafts and smuggling holds and taken to hiding in plain sight. In Wash's chair, no one saw her. No one much cared to look in that direction and it had become a black hole on the bridge. She even slept there if Simon allowed or, as happened most often, was so involved with Kaylee that he didn't notice, and she had become very familiar with every millimeter of space therein. Because of this familiarity, she knew he was there before he wanted her to. He displaced the air in the door, sending it rushing towards her and diffusing through the cabin, carrying with it the smell of he who had so rudely sent it on its way. The smell of rain and Jayne. She cocked her head to the side, a quick bird-like movement, but did not turn around.

"Man-Called-Jayne," she said "You are here without invitation or permission. Trespassing. An unwarranted incursion. A gradual or stealthy entrance into the sphere of another. You are on my bridge."

Jayne snorted derisively from the doorway.

"Don't go getting' yer unmentionables all complicated, Moony," he said "'Sides, I'm fair sure it's the Cap'n's bridge."

He placed a wet and muddy hand on the console and looked down at the girl. River took in the whole of him. From his boots that had obviously been mired town to their top laces in some sort of filth, to the trail of muck his hand left behind on the controls. Her controls.

Her eye twitched and she wanted nothing more than to shoo him off the bridge and scour it from top to bottom, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her lose her composure. Whenever she lost her composure around Jayne, bad, or at the very least, unsettling, things happened. So she sat there, staring a Tyrannosaurus in the eye and silently expounded on all possible scenarios for the extinction of him and all his dino kin…. Mucking up her bridge kept coming to the top of the list.

Jayne saw her eye twitch and her jaw clench and his mercenary brain processed that he was getting to her. Recent crime being without violence, only mud, he was aching for confrontation, so he sat himself down in the copilot's chair, put both feet on the console, wrung his coat out onto the floor, and settled in, anticipating an amusing time trying to find the chink in her armor, all without realizing he was already standing right in the gaping maw of it.

River stared past the Tyrannosaurus and focused on the alternating patterns of lights the controls made. Green, yellow, yellow, red, orange, blue. Green, yellow, yellow, red, orange, blue. Green, yellow, yellow, red, orange –

"Lil' albatross?" Mal called suddenly from the door. River jumped in her seat, startled.

"Blue!" she near screamed.

Jayne and Mal both stared at her, mouths open.

"Okaaay," Mal drawled "That bein' what it is and this being somethin' else entirely…."

"Girl is gorram crazy," Jayne muttered under his breath

"Set us a course in the Persephone direction, we have cargo to deliver and Jayne, I need you in the hold to stow said cargo."

Mal stared at River for a moment longer before giving up understanding and taking his leave. Jayne followed a moment later. River relaxed once they had left and was about to start wiping down the console when Jayne poked his head around the corner and regarded her with what seemed to be serious contemplation. It lasted long enough that she almost commented on it, but before she was able to he said

"Purple."

And made his way to the hold.


	2. Chapter 2

So here is us, on the raggedy edge. – Captain Mal Reynolds

Serenity hummed happily beneath him and all was right in the 'Verse. Well, nearly all was right. Well, truth be told, nothing much was ever right in the 'Verse, but Mal had learned to be content regardless. Well, nearly content. Well, truth be told –

"Captain."

Shook from his thoughts, Mal turned to find a very agitated Dr. Tam standing on the walkway behind him. Beneath them, in the cargo bay, there was a loud crash followed by some creative cursing by way of Jayne.

"Jayne," Mal called over the railing "Mind the goods or yer goin' back out into the wet and mud to get more, _dong ma_?"

Jayne growled deep in his throat and kicked a crate across the floor, all the while staring at Mal to let him know it wasn't the crate he was thinking about while he was kicking it.

"Ya hardly got a speck of mud on ya," Jane groused "Neither does the doc, though that could be from the sissified way he tiptoed through the streets. Seems to me the only one what got dirty is me-"

"Not true," Zoe chimed in, shaking mud from the hem of her pants "I'm all dirty."

"I've got grease," Kaylee called as she pushed a crate into one of Serenity's many hiding spaces "Does grease count?"

"Sure does, Kaylee-bear," Mal assured.

Jayne gave them a dirty look and continued stowing cargo.

"Well, I got _powerful_ dirty and nearly broke my back gettin' us out of there as quick as you were wantin'. I hope Badger knows he'll be buyin' me new boots, cos as I see it, these are shot. And he can pitch in fer…

Mal let Jayne go on. He could complain all he wanted, so long as he was working on their side and, well….working. He turned back to Simon, who seemed to be even more agitated.

"Yes, doc, what's on your mind?"

Simon drew a breath and eyed Mal for a minute, trying to figure out if the Captain's interest was genuine or if he was just being placated.

"Well," Simon started cautiously "I was told I could acquire supplies on  
Tawaret if I helped with the job and could guarantee River stayed on the ship. I complied, but you did not hold up your end of the bargain. As things are in the infirmary, should anyone be injured-"

"Doc," Mal cut Simon off "The, uh, climate on Tawaret was not such as we'd want to stick around for yer acquirin'."

"The political climate, you mean?"

"That would be the one. Now, we'll be comin' into the Evesdown Docks a'fore you know it, so-"

"The political climate never seems to be conducive to anything other than load and run when you're involved. All I'm asking, as ship surgeon, which is a post **you** assigned to me, I might add, is that I have proper supplies to carry out my duties."

Mal's face went through varying stages of anger as Simon spoke, but finally settled on dead calm, which, had he been paying attention, might have clued Simon in that now was the time to flee.

"Now you wait just a minute, you _qiāng fèi fèi shǔ_. This is my ship and as such-"

"And as such '_you won't be told what to do_.' Yes, I've heard the speech before. I'm merely pointing out that I can't do my job if you don't follow through on your end."

Walking by on the way to her shuttle, Inara gave Kaylee a meaningful glance and jerked her head once, quickly towards Simon and Mal. Kaylee nodded and started up the stairs.

"_Doc_-tor Tam," Mal said with quiet menance "I asked you on this job as a kindness. Us needin' another person and you not wantin' your sister out in the danger of the great wide 'Verse. I made it clear, after Mir…well, after, that you two weren't leavin' the ship together till we were sure the Alliance wasn't breathin' down our necks. Now, this is **my** ship and you will take **my** orders and assume that all **my** decisions were made for the best of the crew and for yerself and yer sister. This was one of them decisions. If ya don't like it, we just left a perfectly good rock behind. I'm sure I could persuade Serenity to return for a brief touchdown."

Outgunned, Simon seethed silently for a moment before deciding on his next course of action. He opened his mouth the say something else, but Kaylee, reading the atmosphere perfectly, grabbed Simon gently by the arm and led him away from Mal.

"I've got a port thruster needs seein' to, Simon," she said as they walked away "Why don't you come down to the engine room and tell me why we're in such a hurry to leave while I take care of my girl."

Simon looked back over his shoulder once, but Kaylee tugged on his arm a bit harder and he gave up the fight. Zoe came to stand next to the Captain and they both watched the two leave.

"We headin' for Persephone?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Already pointed that direction," Mal answered "If River's doin' her job. We'll fence through Badger and make a tidy profit. Might even be able to buy enough fuel to keep us from falling out of the sky."

"Well there's a comforting thought," she said and then turned to look at Mal. "Why are we in such a hurry? Seems to me things went smooth."

Mal reached inside of his coat and pulled out a pouch heavy with platinum.  
"Hiram Riley was a bit more generous than he knows about yet," he said. "I wanted to be gone a'fore he realized it."

"Sir," Zoe admonished.

Mal looked innocent and wounded all at the same time, neither very convincing.

"What?" he asked "He called my ship a tin can piece of _go se_. Figured I'd fix her up a little, is all."

He tossed the coins in the air and caught them, the bag giving a soft, lovely chink, and opened the top, tossing a coin to Zoe. She smiled, or smiled as much as she was able these days, and went to clean herself up.

Jayne cleared his throat and looked at Mal, then cut his eyes to the bag.

"Boots," he said as Mal sighed and tossed him some coin as well.

"Greedy buzzards," Mal said with a smile "I should space you all."

"Well," Jayne said as he stowed the last crate "Seems to me that's an empty threat."

"Is it?" Mal asked, a gleam in his eye.

"Yeah, it is. Yer not scary enough to get my special discounts. Ya need me for bargaining, if nothing else. Zoe would plain kill ya a'fore you'd half formed the thought. You'd never in a million years space Kaylee, cos the second ya tried she'd give ya the big eyes. 'Nara would smile and ya'd forget what you was doin'. Crazy would go all….crazy and that'd be it fer you and probably the rest of us, so it's best to avoid that, if ya please. And the Doc, well….the Doc you can space. I'll help. Think I've got some rope around here somewhere."

Inara let out a short burst of laughter at Jayne's deduction just before she disappeared through the door of her shuttle. It went unnoticed, though, as Mal was staring at his merc, confounded.

"Basically, you're sayin' two of the women would outright kill me, one would guilt me to death, one would dissuade me with her wiles, the Doc is disposable and I need you for your…._people skills_?"

"Somethin' like that."

"Right," Mal said "Huh."

Jayne shrugged and gave a forlorn look down at his ruined boots before looking back up at the Captain.

"Glad I could help ya come to terms with that. I'll be in my bunk."

He started to walk away, but turned back.

"Oh, s'yer night fer grub."

Mal took in the empty cargo hold and stood there, his thumbs tucked beneath the buckle of his belt.

"It's **my** ship," he said half-petulantly "Captain's don't do grub."

He sighed, realizing he was talking to himself and started towards the mess to see if he could perform the miracle of fishes and loaves with the protein sequencer.

****

"_These are just a few of the images we've recorded. And you can see, it wasn't what we thought. There's been no war here and no terraforming event. The environment is stable. It's the Pax…._"

Those words had torn through the verse. From cortex to cortex, the message spread from Rim to Core and everywhere inbetween. Mr. Universe had been right, you can't stop the signal. What he hadn't counted on was that no one would believe it.

The Core worlds immediately dismissed it as anti-Alliance propaganda and those few folks who didn't knew enough or knew better than to say so.

"_The G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate that we added to the air processors. It was supposed to calm the population, weed out aggression. Well, it works. The people here stopped fighting. And then they stopped everything else. They stopped going to work, they stopped breeding, talking, eating_"_. _

On the Rim, the Alliance was roundly hated, but also roundly feared. The Independants had been brutally quashed and no one wished a repeat of the War. There were a few small uprisings on a few small moons, but nobody heard much from them anymore….and after a time, a shorter amount of time than one might imagine, life returned, basically to normal. The Alliance was a little more vigilant and your average man was a little more bitter, but the order of things looked the same on the surface.

_There's 30 million people here, and they all just let themselves die._"

"_Mei Mei_," Simon said quietly as he came into the spare shuttle "Turn that off."

River turned to look at Simon, her eyes bright not with tears, but with anger.

"They wouldn't listen," she said.

"I know, _mei mei_. Now, please, turn that off."

River switched off the cortex and watched as Simon took her in with a doctor's eyes, making sure she wasn't in any distress.

"I couldn't find you," he said "You weren't on the bridge…."

"Bridge is clean," she said offhandedly.

"I'm sure it is, but-"

"And it was a bit crowded in there."

"It was empty, _mei mei_," Simon said, worry creeping into his voice "We were all in the cargo bay."

"I know," she answered "It was a bit crowded in here."

And she pointed to her head.

Simon stuttered, looking for an answer, but she motioned for him to be quiet.

"I couldn't think in there, is all," she answered "It was not conducive to reflection."

"You always seem so happy up there," he started.

She cocked her head to the side and was quiet for a moment, then interrupted.

"Kaylee wants you."

A moment later, Kaylee could be heard, calling for Simon.

As Simon started to leave, she reached for the switch to turn back on the cortex, but he turned around.

"Don't turn that back on," he commanded and then softened "Please."

She stuck her tongue out at him and stood, walking past him and out of the shuttle.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for this bitter knowledge – Rufus Wainwright, Go or Go Ahead

River looked down on the world, not at all surprised that she was able to breathe in the vacuum of space. It's just the way things were.

From up above, she could see every ridge and valley and body of water on the planet laid out before her like a topography map. It was really quite beautiful and reminded her of a hovering globe of Osiris she had in her room as a child. It had been a birthday present from her parents and it had been placed in the corner opposite her bed, so she could see it at night. It worked on a small anti-grav drive, which she had taken apart and reassembled the first chance she had, and it spun in perfect time with Osiris, glowing a warm yellow during the day and a soothing blue at night. It had calmed her on nights when she couldn't make her mind stop its constant calculating. She would lie in her bed, hold her thumb and index finger out in front of her and, if she squinted just right, it looked like she held the planet in her own hand. A whole world between her child's finger and thumb. Back when she thought that the whole 'Verse was hers to own…

She tried it, just then, reached out through the Black and held out her hand and smiled when it was just like she remembered. She gave her fingers an experimental squeeze and was shocked when she could actually feel the planet there, between her digits. An insubstantial weight, like a marble, but still, it was there. She leaned in close to better inspect this novel phenomenon and gasped when the atmosphere of the planet pulled her in like a meteor.

River found herself on the surface of the planet. No longer a topography map, but a vast and barren reality. Bleak plateaus and the empty black of canyons at night. A large red moon cast a deathly pal on everything and it might have been ugly had a smaller moon, pure white, not softened the red glow and made everything look strangely nostalgic. In the distance she could see the glow of a fire. Could be a distant campfire or and even more distant conflagration. It was impossible to tell the size of the blaze from here. She walked.

The place was utterly featureless. Not a single identifying feature to tell one rock or canyon wall from another. The effect was very unsettling and she started to wish she was back up in the comforting Black, but something inside told her that she had to find the source of the fire. That it was the only reason she was here, the one distinguishing thing in utter monotony. Eventually, it got closer and she saw that it was, indeed a campfire, but it was also impossible. The figure that was crouched down in front of the fire, warming his hands, could not be there. He had his back turned to her, but she knew it was him just the same. Dark skin, white hair contained, thankfully, in braids that hit the base of his skull. It absolutely could not be him. Then he turned, a hand raised in greeting, and she saw that it absolutely was.

He left his circle of light and came out into the sepia colored night to meet her. He enveloped her in a warm hug and she leaned into his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him.

"River-child," he murmured into her hair "Welcome. How are you?"

River pulled back and looked at him, unsure how to answer.

"Better than you," was her reply.

He chuckled.

"Now, I find that hard to believe."

"We buried you, preacher-man," she countered.

"I'm well aware of that," he said "But I'm content with where I am."

She made a face.

"_Here_?"

"No, River, not here. This is your doing. You made this place. It seems to be your idea of a neutral meeting ground."

River considered this for a moment.

"So, you're dead?"

"Yes," he answered "After a fashion. Gone from the world is a better way of saying it."

"Did you ever get an answer as to how they fit so many animals on one boat?"

It was the preacher's laughter that finally drove it home that he was really there. It filled the night, doves circling up towards the star-filled sky. She could almost hear their wings. She closed her eyes and focused on the sensation, not wanting to lose it, but was brought back down when Book put his hand on her shoulder.

"Faith, River, and Belief, both will get you far."

He paused.

"Why am I here, child?"

River looked at him, eyes wide.

"I have no idea," she answered "This is not my design. This is the conception of another."

Book shook his head.

"No, it's not. I told you, this is all you. I know why we're here, though. I just wanted to know if you did."

"_Where_ are we?"

The Shepherd ignored her question and took her by the arm, leading her to the fire. Once there, he motioned for her to sit down and draped a soft blanket around her shoulders. It felt like home.

"Talk to me, River Tam."

"I don't know-"

"Yes, you do," he answered "I'm here because you already know."

River considered his words and said the first thing that came to her mind.

"Do you know what it's like to try and save the world and have them say _Sorry, but no_?"

Book rubbed the worn cover of his Bible between his hands lovingly.

"More than you'll know, little one."

"The things that were lost," she continued "Things that can never be retrieved and no one believed a gorram thing!"

The preacher winced at the anger in her voice, but grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I don't think you're done, River-child," he said.

She looked at him then and saw the sad look on his face. It was a look she had seen on Simon's face many times since he had pulled her out of the hell that was the Academy. It was pity. She reached out towards Book's mind, not sure there was a mind to reach to, and was horrified by the words she knew he was going to say. The night turned suddenly cold and the fire went out, frost crept across the ground and she could see her breath in the moonlight.

"Make it as uncomfortable as you want, but the fact remains the same," Book said.

River shook her head and the moons lost their light. It was utter dark. Out of the ink, the preacher's voice still rang true.

"You have to go back."

River woke with the word "No" on her lips.

****

Sleep had been impossible after her dream. She lay in her bed for an hour or more staring at the ceiling, willing the memories of Book's words to disappear. They wouldn't.

"_It was just a dream," _she scolded herself "_Neurons firing in sleep and making the brain dredge up associative material. Inconsiquential. Irrelevent. Not real._"

She didn't believe herself for an instant.

Failing to relax and a little hungry, she decided to go to the mess and see if there was anything she could take back to her bunk with her. She left the passenger's dorms quietly, glad that Simon had decided to spend most of his nights with Kaylee, and stalked with her graceful cat's walk into the mess. Opening her locker, she was disappointed to find it exactly as she had left it. She could be visited by dead men in her sleep, but could she find one little extra grape at the back of her locker? Apparently not. Just then, she remembered something secret and delicious that Jayne had come back from his last job with. He didn't think anyone knew he had it, but she had been coming around the corner and had seen him stash it quickly in his locker. He would kill her if he found out…..but how would he find out?

"_The whole ship's asleep,_" she told herself.

It took a few seconds to work herself up for the theft in which she reflected on all the unscrupulous habits Mal was rubbing off on her.

_"Mal. Bad. In the Latin,"_ she thought as she opened Jayne's locker.

There it was. Neatly hidden behind protein packs and Fruity Oaty bars. An apple. Forbidden fruit. Dark ruby skin and wine-sweet flesh. She could smell it from where she was standing and after the initial act of opening the locker, her hand acted of its own accord, stealthily bypassing all other foodstuffs until it closed upon the wonderful, glorious fruit. She extracted it from the locker, closed the door, and held it up to her nose.

Bliss.

She opened her mouth to take a bite and felt someone come up behind her. Her scream was swallowed when a large hand covered her mouth and she began to breathe quickly, almost hyperventilating in her fear.

"S'mine," a gruff voice said from behind her and another hand plucked the apple out of hers.

The hand slowly released her mouth, but slid down her neck and rested there, fingers spanning her throat. Not squeezing, but not releasing either.

"Jayne," she said and he grunted.

"Little witch is a little thief," was his reply.

He let go of her and she turned around to see him. He didn't seem angry, but she was confused by the intensity of his look. His eyes were locked on her throat and it was a half minute before they raised to look her in the eyes.

"Stay out of my gorram locker," he said.

She reached out towards his mind and caught a few trailing words

"Smooth," she intoned in a perfect mimickry of his voice "white."

"And stay out of my gorram head! " he said forcefully "What you doin' up? Don't you know all good girls should be in bed?"

His tone was mocking and she figured he _was_ angry about the apple, but was surprised when he cut it in half and offered one piece to her. She took it with shaking fingers.

"I…..had a dream."

He raised an eyebrow, asking her to continue.

"About Book."

"Oh," he said "Well, it's been a spell, but I s'pect it's natural to still have worryin' dreams about things like that. I've never had, but-"

"It wasn't that kind of dream," she answered.

"Well then, Moony," he said, mouth full of apple "What kind was it."

"Bad."

He looked confused and she clarified.

"Different bad."

He was still confused and she shrugged her shoulders.

"It's apples and oranges," she said "Doesn't matter anyway. It was just a dream. Ridiculous neurons."

Jayne sat a beat and then, with snake-like speed, took back her half of the apple.

"I'm not ridiculous," he said "And don't eat my gorram apples if you have oranges."

He stormed out of the mess and River didn't move until she heard his bunk hatch open and then close, not entirely sure what had just happened. She raised her fingers and put them in her mouth, tasting the residual juice of the apple.

"White," she said, remembering Jayne's thought.

"Smooth."

She went back to her bunk, disappointed and confused and closed her eyes, dreading the moment when Book would appear again, but he never did. She dreamed of apples, woke with their sweetness on her tongue, but knew that it would not last. She had been given a bitter knowledge and she could almost taste it at the back of her throat. She would hold it in as long as she could, but she knew that Book was right. It was almost time to go back.


	4. Chapter 4

Inara knelt before her makeshift altar to Buddha and lit a stick of incense, inhaling the woody fragrance. Closing her eyes, she focused on the individual notes of the scent, letting each take her deeper into meditation.

Sandalwood: solid and grounding. Jasmine: sultry and centering. Green Tea: sharp, a little bitter, and uplifting. Amber: provocative and transporting. Soap: clean and…. Soap?

Inara opened one eye and sighed loudly when she saw Mal standing in the doorway of her shuttle.

"_Zhòu mà qīn rù zhě_," she muttered "I am trying to pray. I thought we agreed you wouldn't come aboard without my permission."

Mal sauntered in, leaned against a wall, and grinned. He had always privately sworn that Inara was never more lovely than when she was flustered. Right now, she was beautiful. Looking around the shuttle, his memories of how it used to look and its present state sharply contrasted with one another. All the sumptuous trappings had gone and it looked plain, utilitarian. Except for the jewel toned bedding on the simple cot and the gilded statue of Buddha, no trace of Inara's former occupation remained.

"Coming along nicely in here," he said.

She rolled her eyes at him and stood up, brushing off her gown where it had touched the floor.

"It's coming," she answered "Though, I don't know if nicely is the right term. I thought about waving Sihnon for my things, but--"

"But?" he asked nonchalantly.

Inara looked at him and narrowed her eyes.

"If it's rent you're worried about, I have more than enough-"

"It's not the rent," he said quickly "No one said anything about rent, I-"

"Then why are you here?"

"I just thought, I mean, I-"He rubbed his hands through his hair and stared at every point of interest besides her.

"Yes?" she asked, the hope in her voice barely concealed by a note of impatience.

"_Mǔ de lǎo tiān yě_, woman," he exclaimed "Has anyone ever told you that you have a way of being right infuriatin'?"

"I believe you've mentioned it a time or two."

"Well, let's make it three, shall we?" he said, trying to stay calm, but failing. "Woman, you are right infuriatin'."

"My sincerest thanks in bringing that to my attention, Captain," she said, curtly.

Both were rigid, looking away from each other and breathing hard. Inara was the first to give, her shoulders slumping for a moment before she regained her composure and turned towards Mal.

"How was crime?" she asked.

In her simple question was a note of, if not an apology, but a moment's truce.

He shrugged his shoulders. "It was crime," he answered "Though I hate dealing with that _wángbādàn_, Hiram. I near turned Badger down, but the pay was too good."

"Why is that?"

"He's a traitor," Mal answered "Only reason he ain't dead is because he crossed the lines afore anyone realized what he was up to."

Inara raised one eyebrow in question and Mal sighed.

"He was in the War. Didn't fight with Zoe or me, but our paths crossed. Browncoat, or so he claimed. Right before we were left in Serenity Valley, heard tell he had crossed over to the Alliance side with all sorts of interestin' intel. That's one version. Other one bein' he'd been Alliance all along and played us all the fool. Either way, man deserves a traitor's death. One of these days the pay won't be good enough to keep him from gettin' it."

Mal's jaw tensed in remembered anger and Inara moved closer to him, his high emotion causing the atmosphere between them to charge.

"How did he end up on the Rim?" she asked.

"Way I figure it," he answered, taking a small step closer to Inara. "Is that the Alliance ain't got much need for traitors, no matter what color coat they wear. Once he served his purpose, he got the same treatment we all did. Death or Banishment. Though he got the shinier end of the deal than a lot of us did. Got a moon. Runs it like a petty tyrant. _Bèi pàn zhě_…. It's near impossible to do any sort of dealing with that man knowin' what he did."

"I'm sure it is," she said softly and stepped towards him.

Mal watched as she reached out her hand to touch him, his pupils dilating as she lay three fingers of her right hand gently on his shoulder. It was meant to be a gesture of comfort, but it had a completely different effect on him. Each finger touched him a fraction later than the one before it, a one-two-three symphony she played on his senses, stretched taught as bowstrings. He looked down on her and she looked up at him and both smiled.

His body and mind had different reactions to her touch. His body leaned into it and his mind pulled away and, sensing his confusion, she let her hand drop.

"I'm glad it went well," she said, voice rough.

"So am I," he answered.

There was an uncomfortable pause and she cleared her throat.

"Did you need anything?" she asked, trying to regain her composure, and could tell by the look on his face that this was the wrong thing to say. It had the feel of a question of business when he was looking for something else, something more.

His features hardened and his back became rigid, a soldier at attention.

"Thought I did," he said softly before turning and exiting her shuttle.

"Cao," she cursed under her breath as she watched him walk away.

She walked across the shuttle and took the incense from its holder and plunged the burning end into a small cup filled with sand. She was in no mood to meditate, though she sorely needed self-reflection, as she was certain Mal Reynolds was the only man in the 'Verse that could make her curse like a mudder's wife.

****

"So, what do ya think?" asked Kaylee as she stared down into a crate "To eat? They're awful different from any egg I ever saw."

Jayne rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand and picked up one of the eggs. It was warm in his hand and he examined it from all sides before sniffing it.

"Don't rightly know," he answered "But it's been a long time since I've had an egg with breakfast."

"Or we could grind some protein into flour," Zoe offered "And bake a cake."

"A cake!" Kaylee said excitedly "We ain't had a cake since—"

"You think Badger would notice a couple missin'?" Jayne asked.

Zoe took the egg from him and started to put it back, but stopped and gave it a wistful look.

"Cap'n didn't say we _shouldn't_ eat them," she said.

"You shouldn't eat them," Mal said from behind them, causing all three to jump.

Zoe quickly replaced the egg in its niche inside the carton, secured the lid and slid it back into the hidden compartment between the cargo hold wall and the hull. Jayne pushed the panel that concealed the compartment behind him with his foot and stood in front of the open space, arms crossed, trying to look like he had been doing nothing. Kaylee turned red in the face and muttered something about having something in the engine room to do, but Mal stopped her before she could get far and turned her back around.

"So," he said "What's with the sneakin' about?

"Well," Kaylee started "Zoe here was tellin' us all about you two bein' in the War with that _hun dan_ back on Tawaret and we got to wonderin' out loud what kind of cargo he might have for us. I mean, that you'd be willin' to take on."

"Sure as hell weren't no bobble-head geishas," Jayne said "So, Cap'n, how's about an egg breakfast. Badger'll never know there's a crate missin'. Man's a gorram moron."

"That may be," Mal said "But those aren't eatin' eggs. They're parrots. Crates are heated special, to keep 'em alive in transit."

"Pa-who?" Jayne asked.

"Birds," Kaylee answered "Fancy birds. My daddy said he saw one once when he was young. Some Core lady was visitin' our planet to dedicate a building that was named after her. She had one that sat on her shoulder. He said it talked. Said all manner of things. Real pretty, he said. Real 'spensive, too, I'll wager."

"If you don't mind my askin', Cap'n," Zoe said "What's Hiram Riley doin' with a cargo like this? Must be worth a small forture."

"Bigger than small," Mal replied "And I didn't ask. The less I conversate with him, the better chance he has that I won't put a bullet in his gorram head. I suppose he has a supplier on one of the outer Core planets what deals in liberated goods, but I don't much care where they came from so long as we get paid."

River walked soundlessly down the stairs to the cargo hold and insinuated herself behind Zoe and Kaylee. Then, ducking down, she crawled behind Jayne into the space with the crates.

"'Lil albatross?" Mal called "Come on out of there."

River's head popped out of the opening and between Jayne's legs. The merc let out a slight squeak and jumped out of the way.

"Gorram it, Crazy," he exclaimed "What you about?"

But River didn't pay any attention to him, she was holding one of the eggs and grinning widely. The small white egg twitched slightly in her hand and everyone gasped while River giggled.

"Oh, those gorram things better not hatch afore we get to Persephone," Mal said "I am not a gorram zoo."

River placed the egg in Mal's hand and it twitched once more before lying still.

"He's sleeping," she said with a smile "Dreaming of flying."

"He gonna wake up anytime soon?" he asked.

River gave him a funny look, shrugged her shoulders and walked off. Jayne gave a soft chuckle and Mal glared at him.

"Problem, Jayne?"

"Naw, just likin' the way she looked at you like _you_ were the crazy one," he answered.

Mal stared at the egg for a beat more before pulling out the crate and replacing it gently. He then pushed the crate back in and fitted the panel back on, concealing the space from view.

"I want full burn to Persephone, Kaylee-girl," he said "Afore they quit dreaming"

"Aye aye, cap'n," she said, but stayed where she was standing.

"Yes?" Mal asked.

"Can we keep one?" she said quickly.

"Full burn!"

Kaylee scrunched up her face, giving Mal a quick, dirty look and headed towards the engine room, grumbling.

Translations:

Zhòu mà qīn rù zhě – Damned intruder

Mǔ de lǎo tiān yě – Mother of God/Heavens

Wángbādàn – literally "An egg laid by an unvirtuous woman." Meaning: bastard.

Bèi pàn zhě – Traitor

Cao – Fuck


	5. Chapter 5

Hiram Riley owned his own moon. Only a very few people in the 'Verse could lay claim to that and, where you to ask him about his feelings on the matter, he'd tell you that it's not all it's cracked up to be.

First, there was the constant hemorrhaging of money. Unless your piece of rock produced something that was essential and no one else could make it, or you had support from the Alliance, there was never any profit. All his piece of rock produced was rain and mud; neither was special in their make up or design. Tawaret _did_ have a beautiful spring that made the hills explode with color and nary a rain drop to be seen, so he made a fair turn off tourists, but spring lasted all of three weeks, four in a good year and that wasn't enough time to make the kind of money he expected when he first found out he was going to own this piece of _go se_ moon.

Second, there were the people. The climate of the place had driven all but a few thousand away and those held on for the thin ray of light that was the tourist season. And those people wanted. That's all they ever did was want. _We want more food. We want more money. We want our houses not to get dragged away in the mudslides. We want better protection from the Reavers._ Want. Want. Want. Truth be told, he would have been gone ages ago had ne not know that both sides of the 'Verse wanted him dead. The Browncoats would kill him on sight and the Alliance had made it clear that they were never too certain where his true allegiance lay and so here he was and so here he shall remain.

And his allegiances? Well, they had only ever been to himself.

Luckily, he never forgot a face. The fancified man that Malcolm Reynolds was trying to pass of as one of his crew would have raised red flags for him anyway, the man just didn't belong, but his face set the alarms to going long before his manner did. It took three days, but he finally remembered where he had seen the _ji bai_ before. Pulling up the warrant on his Cortex, Hiram shuddered with pure joy. This little document had circulated heavily near two years ago and then popped up briefly after the Miranda hoax, but it had stuck with him because of the sheer enormity of the reward. He was sure the man with Malcolm had been this Simon Tam, he had ever heard Malcolm's hired muscle refer to the man as "Doc" and the bounty was for a _Doctor_ Simon Tam. True, the reward for Tam wasn't nearly as significant as the one for his sister, but the warrant mentioned "travelling together" and, like they say on Tawaret, "Where there's clouds, there's rain."

So, he waved the one person in the whole 'Verse he knew who'd do the wrong thing, without fail. He offered him half of the bounty if they were both present on Serenity and a quarter if it was just the good doctor. He feared briefly that his friend might turn on him, but knew the chances were slim. The man had enough trouble with the Alliance and bringing this kind of attention to himself would ensure that he'd never do business again. It would be much more to his advantage to take his cut and continue on with his little operation. Not that Hiram planned to pay him one little copper. With this kind of money, he could buy a new identity and be long gone before anyone came looking for him. If he was wrong and they found him right away, well that was alright, too. Every good fox knows about going to ground and, after all, it was _his_ moon.

****

Mal and Simon stood on the loading ramp, staring each other down. Behind them, the hustle and bustle of the Evesdown docks did not distract either man from their face off.

"You're staying on the ship, Doctor, and that's final," Mal said to the fuming surgeon "Give Zoe a list of things that you need and we will pick up everything that can be found."

"But River—"

"River will be fine. In case you haven't noticed, girl has a way of takin' care of herself. 'Sides, Badger likes her. She insulted him. Endeared herself to him somewhat. However that works."

"I still don't see why you need—"

"Not your decision to make, Doc," Mal interrupted "Your sis' is big enough to make her own decisions and—"

"But she doesn't make her own decisions, she does what you and everyone else tell her to," Simon argued "In case _you_ haven't noticed, she's still a very sick girl."

Mal waited to see if Simon was done. When the doctor didn't say anymore, he continued.

"_And_ it will do her some good to get off-ship. 'S'been stuck onboard too long. Makes a body tetchy."

Behind them, Jayne was loading the cargo on the mule while River and Kaylee frantically ran back and forth, looking in nooks and crannies and throwing things about. River hurled some rope clear across the cargo bay and cursed loudly in Mandarin. Mal looked at Simon and raised an eyebrow.

"And she don't need no more help getting' tetchy," Mal said.

Jayne drove the mule off the loading ramp and jumped out of the driver's seat. He put on a wide-brimmed hat, a pair of sunglasses, checked his sidearm to make sure it was situated right, and leaned up against the mule, waiting for the other passengers. Mal was about to go and join him when Kaylee came around and stood in front of him, hands on her hips, glaring. A beat later, River had joined her.

"Where is he?" Kaylee asked, her voice deadly.

"Where is who?" Mal answered.

Kaylee poked him in the chest.

"You know gorram well _who_ I'm talkin' about, Cap'n. Where is Wash?"

Mal put his head in his hands and moaned.

"I told you not to name the gorram thing, Kaylee," he said "You'd only go and get attached to it. And _Wash_? You named it Wash? Don't you find that a mite…..inappropriate?"

Zoe walked past them and Mal gave her a look.

"You have anything to do with this?" he asked.

She shook her head once, not looking him in the eye, but a slight smile played at the corner of her lips as she continued on and jumped into the passenger seat of the mule.

"He'll fly," Kaylee said "He's a Wash and I can't find him. Where. Is. He."

"I said I'm not a gorram zoo and I meant it," Mal growled at his mechanic "Yer not keepin' him, so I don't see how it matters where he is."

"But Cap'n" Kaylee said, her voice taking on a new tone "He hatched on Serenity. It's his home and he was the only one what hatched, so that means something. Plus, River was the first thing he saw. He thinks she's his mom."

"I have maternal feelings for him," River pitched in.

"No," Mal said.

Both girls opened their mouths to argue, but he held up his hand.

"Just, no."

"Captain," Kaylee said "_Cào nǐ zǔzōng shíbā dài_."

Kaylee started to storm off and River just glared. Mal sighed and shook his head.

"Kaylee," he called "Wait."

Kaylee turned back around and strode up to him, still fuming.

"Yes?"

Mal reached into the inside of his coat and pulled out the baby parrot, who squawked in the sunlight. Kaylee snatched him happily from Mal and cuddled the bird up to her chin.

"He'll be no trouble, Cap'n, I promise," she said.

"He better not be, because the first time he is, I'll—"

"No you won't," River interrupted.

Mal gave River a sideways glance trying to figure out if she was threatening him or had just read his intentions. He was more comfortable with the former.

"I love my Cap'n," Kaylee said, kissing him on the cheek before she disappeared back into Serenity with Wash.

"I didn't see that playing out that way," Mal said a little dazed. "C'mon Albatross, Badger's waitin' for ya. You know how he likes seeing people from home."

River gave him a look and walked ahead of him, jumping on the mule. When Mal got there, he sat next to Zoe, looked at her, looked away, then looked back.

"You know," he said "You didn't discourage 'em and that's as good as encouragin' 'em."

"Sir, it's a little bird, how much trouble could he be?"

Jayne chortled from the driver's seat.

"My ma said that when my little sis' came along. My pa was goin' on about how he never wanted a girl and my ma said 'How much trouble can one little girl be?' Weren't long before they realized she'd be the worst of us all. Kitty's a hellion. Stole a horse afore she was eight. She's my good girl."

"Worse than Jayne?" Zoe said out of the side of her mouth.

Mal turned to her, his eyes wide with horror and shrugged his shoulders.

"I had a horse once," River said "But me da made me sell it. Ev'ry time I'd ride 'er in the fog, I'd be abed for days with the damp. An' it's always foggy on Dyton, dontcha know?"

"Good," Mal said, unfased "She's _her_ again. Let's go find Badger."

*****

"Ello, Mal," Badger drawled "How's tricks."

`"They're shiny," Mal said "So long as you have my money."

Badger nodded and motioned for his men to take the crates that were sitting in front of Jayne. River stepped out from behind Jayne and Badger's grin grew wide.

"Well, look who we 'ave here," he said "It's…y'know I never caught—"

"Ello, li'l man," River said "Still on top yer hill?"

"I, well, yes."

"Good," she said "Best place for ya. You want ta know a fool, put 'im on display."

Badger stared at River hard for a minute. Long enough that Mal felt himself reaching for his gun, but Badger laughed and clapped River on the shoulder. For her part, River didn't break his arm, but took a step back.

"Funny li'l one, ain't she?" he asked.

Mal gave a grunt and walked towards Badger's desk.

"We doin' business or ain't we?" he asked.

"We're doing business," Badger answered "As a matter of fact, I 'ave new business for you to do."

"What would that be?" Mal said, settling into a chair. Zoe sat beside him and Jayne stayed behind, grabbing River's arm to hold her back when she started to walk towards the Captain.

"Seems the spring season is soon on Tawaret—" Badger started.

"I just left that rock," Mal said "If you think I'm goin' back—"

"They'ave themselves a big festival come Spring," Badger continued. "Food, dancin', spirits, the whole nine yards. One thing they can't get themselves is fireworks. Ain't a moon within travelin' distance of 'em that can make them right."

"And?" Mal said.

"And, they do big tourist business come Spring and Spring don't last long there. They're booked up for years. Big names, too. Parliament, Royalty, you name it. It's the place to be. Never been myself, but they say the flowers are so bright it's like walking through a painting. So, they only want the highest quality."

"Again, I say and?"

Badger sighed.

"I got a man on Paquin who has the best quality fireworks in the 'Verse. He's been paid and is just waiting for the transport. That's you. Pick 'em up, fly 'em to Tawaret and deliver them."

He patted the crates beside his desk.

"Then bring be back another full shipment of these and I'll make it worth your trouble."

"How much worth?" Mal asked.

"Well, you'd be going out of your way a bit, with Paquin, won'tcha? I say we pay flat fuel rate for the trip to Paquin, standard rate for the fireworks and I'll pay you standard rate and half again for the cargo you bring back to me. All paid upon delivery."

Mal stared at Badger.

"How about this," he said "You pay flat fuel rate for the trip to Paquin, but throw in an extra three hundred credits right now for my crew, cos they'll want to do something once we're planet side. You can pay me standard rate for the fireworks and double rate for the cargo I'll bring back here. And pay me half that again right here because you didn't inform me my cargo was live. It's always double rate for live cargo."

Mal could see the idea pained Badger and he hoped it pained him enough that he decided to get another transport to do this job. He did not want to go back to Tawaret. Badger scrunched up his face, deep in thought and then sighed.

"They aren't live," Badger said.

"You open those crates and tell me those gorram things aren't live. If they had hatched on my ship I woulda spaced them all and you still woulda paid me."

"Deal," Badger said.

"Excuse me?"

"I said deal, Captain Reynolds. I agree to your terms."

"Gorram it," Mal said under his breath.

"I have the papers here," Badger said, motioning to a stack of forms "Can you leave right away?"

Mal snatched the forms from Badger's desk and stood up.

"Yes, we can leave right away," he said, his tone mocking Badger.

"Good. Always a pleasure."

He looked over Mal's shoulder at River and winked at her.

"Good to see you, girl," he said "Come along next time your in."

River stuck her tongue out at him and let herself be led out by Jayne. When they were outside, he dropped her arm and she turned to him.

"He's got a fish on the line," she said.

Jayne perked up.

"What fish? What d'ya know, Moonie?"

River shrugged her shoulders.

"Can't see the fish, yet," she said "Only the scales."

****

Badger sent one of his men down to the docks to watch the crew of Serenity. When his man returned with news that they had left the planet, he lit himself a cigar and sent a wave to a good friend of his. When he saw Hiram's face on the screen, he grinned.

"They're on their way," he said "Left no more'n an hour ago. Given the stop on Paquin, I'd give them a week. Week and a half at the outside. I'll be seeing you soon after."

"Looking forward to it, friend," Hiram said "Maybe you can enjoy the festivities while you're here. I'm sure we can find a guest cabin for you."

"Might do that, just might. I think I needs a vacation."

He turned off the wave without saying goodbye and started making travel arrangements.

Translations

_Cào nǐ zǔzōng shíbā dài_. – Fuck you ancestors to the 18th generation.

_ji bai_ -- Pussy (an insult, not anatomy)


	6. Chapter 6

It had never occurred to River, growing up, that meals were supposed to be a time of togetherness. Meals with her parents were usually affairs of State, where she was dressed so elaborately that it was often impossible to eat. On the rare occasion that they were able to sit down as a family she found herself more fascinated by the way the air between her parents turned to ice than she was with the food. Breakfast and lunch on Serenity seemed to come and go with everyone fending for themselves, but dinner was something that never failed to amaze and enthrall her. No matter what they were doing, everyone came together for this one meal and it was River's favorite time of day. Though no blood linked them, the crew of Serenity acted like a family and the warmth filled River's mind and soothed ragged edges. Tonight was made especially good by the fact that Kaylee had scrounged together enough ingredients to make fresh bao for everyone.

"And then," Zoe said "Our dear Captain told the man: 'She said her name was Nancy.' You should have seen his face."

The table erupted into laughter and Mal blushed a little. He watched as Kaylee placed her napkin next to the bowl that held the bao. The napkin shifted and a small squawk issued from within. Mal gave her a stern look and she smiled innocently.

"What?" she asked.

"Get that _wēnshén_ bird off my table," he said.

Kaylee pouted.

"But he's cold!"

"I don't care--" Mal started, but Zoe wrapped her napkin around Kaylee's and pushed it closer to the bowl, effectively ending the argument.

Jayne watched all this with a smirk. While his attention was diverted, River reached over and stole the bao from his plate. He tried to grab it without looking, but missed and knocked the roll to the floor. The merc and the girl regarded each other for a split second, sizing each other up, before both scrambled for the bao. River grabbed it first, but dropped it when Jayne grabbed her wrist and squeezed hard. His eyes locked with River's and he growled slightly. The roll lay on the floor between them, but neither moved for it. He gave her wrist another squeeze and her mouth dropped open in pain, forming a little "o". He smiled triumphantly, but faltered when his eyes landed on her lips, and then, his thoughts slammed into her.

"_Lips….those gorram lips. So_--"

She closed her mouth and cocked her head to the side, appraising him. He dropped her wrist like it was on fire and his thoughts terminated suddenly. He glared at her and reached for the bao. River was disappointed, she found herself wanting to know what he thought of her lips more than she wanted the roll. She reached out her hand and grabbed his wrist, rubbing her thumb along the inside where his pulse thrummed. He startled, smashing the bao in his fingers and looked up at her. At first, there was murder in his eyes, but then, she licked her lips and those fires were banked and replaced with something else entirely. River gasped when her mind was flooded, not with words, but images.

_They were exactly as they were now, staring at each other under the table, but the scene was slightly different. After a moment, she realized it was that they were alone at the table. Jayne pulled his arm towards himself, and River, still holding his wrist, was pulled forward as well. When half the distance between them was closed, he reached his other arm around her waist and pulled her into his lap. He buried his face in her neck and growled again, but it was different from before and she felt it in her toes. His mouth latched onto her, just below her ear, and he first kissed her softly, then dragged his stubble across the sensitive skin there. Finally, he bit her and River sighed both in Jayne's thoughts and outside them.  
_  
Just then, Kaylee peeked under the table to see what was going on. He stood up so fast that River didn't have time to let go and was dragged to her feet. There was an uncomfortable moment when the entire table stared at them; then Jayne sat down, dropping the crumpled bao on the table. River smoothed her skirt and sat down as well. She took a few bites of food and then looked over at Jayne. A muscle in his jaw jumped and she knew he saw her looking but was going to ignore her. She replayed his thoughts over in her mind and smiled to herself. She wanted to see more.

Under the table, River grabbed his leg. He jumped so violently that his knee bumped the underside of the table, causing all the dishes to rattle. Mal reached out to steady his cup and raised an eyebrow at Jayne. Jayne cleared his throat.

"I had a….muscle….thing," he stuttered.

River gave his leg a squeeze and he tried to shake her off, but she held on tight. He turned to look at her, but she didn't look at him. Instead, she used her free hand to pull her hair over her shoulder and arched her neck slightly, baring the part of her neck that he had imagined kissing. She was instantly rewarded with more of Jayne's fantasies.

_They were still in the mess and they were still alone, but this time they were standing in front of the table. Jayne pushed her hair away from her face._

"Jǐn xiù_ ," he said._

Then, he reached down and pulled her dress over her head. In Jayne's mind, she wore nothing underneath. His hands brushed up her sides, lingering on her breasts and traveling upwards. His fingers slid up to cradle her head, lacing in her hair. She tilted her head back for a kiss, but he stepped forward, backing her into the table. He stepped in between her legs and she could feel the fabric of his trousers against the inside of her thighs. Jayne's hand guided her back until she was lying on the table. He took a step back, smiling at her, and knelt down. He put his hands under her knees, lifted one to rest on his shoulder and lowered his mouth to her--  
  
River stood up suddenly, staring at Jayne.

"Oh," she said softly, then sharper "Oh!"

She threw her napkin on the table and stormed out of the room, cheeks flaming. Jayne barely looked up as she left, completely unaware as to what had flustered her.

"What did you do?" Mal demanded.

"I didn't do a gorram thing!"

River could still hear them fighting as she ran through the ship towards the spare shuttle.

She needed to look something up on the cortex.

****

The shuttle floor, where River sat, was cool on her too hot skin. She stared at the cortex screen for a moment before shaking her head and reaching up, choosing another link. This page had a capture that immediately began playing, the moaning of the woman on the screen filling the small space. River scrambled, fingers flying over the cortex screen as she tried to find less audible information. She settled on a page that seemed to take a more educational approach to the subject and sat back down. The article in question was peppered with highly erotic photos, but with the wealth of information given, she was willing to look upon them as visual aids. After only a few moments of viewing, her unmistakable conclusion was that there was way more to this than she realized and that, for once, Jayne knew far more about a subject than she. The prospect was both frightening and exhilarating.

She was intrigued enough that she thought the capture was worth one more look. Her fingers were halfway to the cortex screen when the door to the shuttle slid open and Jayne stepped into the entry. River froze and turned to look at him.

"Cap'n said I should come find you," he said "Some nonsense about apologizing."

River didn't say anything, but her mind was trying to calculate a situation in which she could turn off the cortex without his noticing. He couldn't see it from where he was, but if he took one step into the shuttle…. Maybe she could get him to leave.

"Go away," she said, putting as much anger in her voice as possible.

Jayne looked surprised and then he saw fingerprints on her still raised wrist. He nodded towards them.

"Didn't hurt ya none, did I?" he asked.

River shook her head and then started to stand, thinking that if she left, he was bound to as well. When she was on her feet, he stepped towards her and took her wrist in his hands. He held it gently, unlike before, and as his rough fingers examined her for any injuries, her mind stopped screaming at her about the cortex and started enjoying the sensations.

"Good," Jayne said as he turned her wrist over and examined the other side. "Cos, my Ma would whup me good for hurtin' a girl. 'Specially a little thing like you."

"Your Ma's not here," River said distantly.

Jayne smiled and ran his thumb over her knuckles, lingering without reason.

"Ma always knew," he answered "We never knew how, but my brothers, my sis and me got up to a lot of trouble and didn't get away with half of it. Woman's a mean mark with a mixing spoon."

Jayne looked up at her and River nearly fell down. All this time and she'd never noticed that his eyes were so very blue. The heat of his gaze scorched her and she wanted to reach out to him, tell him she knew his thoughts and wanted to know more. She wanted to feel his lips on hers for real, not just in images his mind created. She wanted those blue eyes to look at her as she kissed him back.

"Now," he said, finally letting her hand drop. "Yer brother and the Cap'n had a big row over me bein' the one to come find you. I bet the Doc is pouting somewhere. Let's you and me go find him and make fun of him."

River smiled and Jayne smiled back for a moment before his eyes slid over her shoulder. From the emotions that flitted across his face, she knew he'd seen the cortex. She blushed a bright crimson.

First there was confusion, then there was a long moment of pure male appreciation, and then confusion made another brief appearance before he finally resolved on horror. He reached over her shoulder and hit the button that took the cortex back to its home screen and looked down at her.

"What in the hell possessed you to look that up?" he asked fiercely. "It ain't proper, yer just a--"

"I'm not just a girl," she interrupted.

He silently conceded to her point.

"Well, you shouldn't be watching it nohow," he said, gentler this time.

She stared at her feet, unwilling to look him in the eyes and he smiled widely, the devil in him coming out.

"Didja like what you saw?" he asked.

River made a small noise at the back of her throat and wished she would die. Jayne laughed and pushed her bare toes with his booted foot.

"Cos, you know, there's more interestin' things I could show you on here."

He reached over her shoulder towards the cortex again; she slapped his arm then tried to get past him and out the door. He put one hand on each of her shoulders, lifted her off the ground, and placed her exactly where she had been before.

"I want to go make fun of Simon now," she said, her voice thready with panic. He shook his head.

"Not until you tell me why."

"Because," River said "Teasing is a socially accepted method of sibling rivalry."

Jayne shook her shoulders gently.

"Girl, it's hard to play dumb when everyone knows you're a ruttin' genius."

"I _really_ want to go tease Simon now," was her answer.

"River," Jayne said sternly, yet softly.

It was the use of her name that finally made her look him in the eyes.

"I," she stuttered "Dinner….bao….you…."

Some kind of sense was starting to form for Jayne. Sexual fantasies were a constant litany at the back of his mind. It wasn't something he ever paid much attention to unless he was alone; it was just a fact of life and it was rare when one stood out from the others. He was aware that the _fā kuáng_ girl was starring in them more often, but he hadn't delved too deep as to the why of that just yet. What he _did_ know was that during dinner he'd had two fantasies so powerful and vivid that he'd provoked the argument between the Captain and Simon so he'd have time to get his body under control before he had to get up and find River.

"I thought I told you to say out of my mind," he said as the final piece clicked into place.

Despite the confrontational tone of the question, River noticed something odd. Everyone on Serenity had an energy that was all theirs. She could pick each and every one of them out in a crowd with her eyes closed. Sometimes, if the person was standing close enough and the emotions were intense enough, the energy manifested itself as a color. Jayne was a deep reddish-brown and as they stood there, tendrils crept from him, and instead of pushing her away, which is what usually happened, they reached out and started to embrace her. River watched this, amazed, and then something happened that she'd never seen before. Twining tentatively around the tendrils of Jayne's energy and going back towards him, were threads the color of spring's first grass. She wanted to touch them to see if they smelled like fresh rain. After a minute, she realized with a start that the green was her. She watched as the two colors wound together and formed a rope that linked her and Jayne, newly forged feelings and curiosity made visible.

"What're you looking at?" he asked, confused.

"Us," River answered and reached out to touch the rope. It was thick, but looked baby-new; delicate. Jayne grabbed her hand just before it could close around the rope and leaned down to look in her eyes.

"You okay?"

River nodded, smiling.

"Yer not gonna go all crazy?" he asked.

She shook her head and he nodded his once, satisfied. After a moment, he cleared his throat.

"Look, I'm sorry you saw what you saw," he said "I shouldn't have been thinkin' it anyway, but if I knew it'd upset you, I wouldn't have thought it at all."

River smiled smugly at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You just apologized and admitted you have feelings all in one breath. That's quite a revelation."

"Well, don't get used to it," he said and then turned a little green. "Feelings?"

"For me," she said.

He took a giant step back from her.

"Naw," he said running a hand through his hair. "Man feelings. Y'know….naked type feelings."

"For me," she said again, pointing to herself to emphasize the point.

He shook his head and she smiled, still pointing at herself.

"Genius," she said.

River could see Jayne was about to bolt so she did the first thing that she could think of, the only thing she _had_ been thinking of since he had come into the shuttle and started examining her wrist. She closed the distance between them, stood on her tiptoes, and kissed him. His lips did not move against hers and when she opened her eyes, his were wide with shock. She stepped back and started to mumble an apology, but he turned around, closed the shuttle door, and in two steps, had her gathered in his arms. He kissed her fiercely and wasn't sure why he was kissing her at all except that River Tam looked like a girl that needed to be kissed. He walked her backwards until they hit a wall and bit her bottom lip, dragging his teeth across it. She was making noises he thought he could listen to for the rest of his life. When his hand reached up and cupped her breast, teasing a nipple, she would have fallen down had the wall not been behind her. His tongue found its way into her mouth and in an instant was twining with hers in an imitation of the rope of energy. And the rope, when she could focus on it, was pulsing like it was alive, the green tendrils joyously dancing back towards Jayne and the reddish-brown ones surrounding them protectively.

Unexpectedly, Jayne pulled away from her and rested his forehead on hers, breathing hard.

"This is wrong," he said, voice raw.

"Didn't feel wrong," she answered.

She could feel him smile against her skin and he kissed her there, gently.

"Sure sign it is, _ài ren_," he replied. He looked down at her. "Never was one to do things the right way, though."

River smiled triumphantly, sure a battle had been won even if she wasn't sure what it was yet. He lowered his head to kiss her again when the cortex gave a shrill beep behind them.

She looked around him and was looking at her brother's face. It was a fresh warrant. Time enough had passed since the Operative had called off the Alliance on Mr. Universe's moon that she felt a dull shock seeing it, but it wasn't unexpected either. What was most troubling were the words "**Dead or Alive**" that had been added to the bottom of the document. Jayne looked over his shoulder and snorted when he saw the image.

"Yer brother always looks like he's got a stick up his _pì gu_," he said "Let's print a capture for when we go tease him."

There was another beep and River's face came up on the screen. The picture on her warrant had been updated. It was a still image taken from the video feed in the Maidenhead.

"You were amazing that day. Terrifyin', too," Jayne said. "And beautiful…. You know, 'cept for the part you near twisted my _gāo_ off."

Jayne absently rubbed his crotch in sympathy for the remembered pain as his eyes took in the image of River on the warrant. Had he bothered to do the math, he would have found that River started starring in his fantasies soon after that day. He opened his mouth to say something to her when there was another beep, and his smile faltered when he saw Mal's face on the screen. This was new. His smile disappeared entirely when his own face followed a fresh beep, and his mouth was set in a grim line when Zoe's and Kaylee's faces followed two more. All had large bounties and all had the tableau "**Dead or Alive**" in bold letters across the bottom. Someone was serious this time.

Jayne grabbed her hand, no gentleness now, and the rope between them shuddered as if in pain. He opened the door and dragged her into Serenity.

"We need to go get the Cap'n," was all he said.

****

They found Mal back in the mess having a cup of coffee by himself. The table had been cleared of dinner's dishes and everyone else had gone about their own business. Jayne dragged her into the room and thrust her in front of the Captain as he started telling him about the warrants.

"Can't say as I'm surprised," Mal said.

"Yeah," Jayne said, "Well, I ain't got to the best part yet."

Mal motioned for him to continue.

"After the ones of Doc and the moonbrain came up, there was one fer you."

River winced when he called her moonbrain. Not ten minutes before, he had called her sweetheart and now, he was back to his old self again.

As soon as they were within sight of Mal, he had dropped her arm and had pretended like she didn't exist, excepting an occasional finger pointed in accusation. Mal hadn't acted worried at all to hear about her and Simon's new warrants, but the news that there was one for him got him to pay attention a little. Still, he played it close to his chest.

"Again," he said, "Not a big surprise. Not exactly thrilled about it, but it ain't the first time the Alliance has had my name down in their black book. It'll go away."

Jayne grunted.

"Do you think Zoe's will go away?" he asked.

Mal looked at him hard.

"Or Kaylee's?" Jayne continued.

Mal's jaw clenched and unclenched while he worked this all out. Finally, he started walking towards the spare shuttle.

"Show me," he said.

Jayne walked out of the room without looking at her and followed the Captain. River sat down at the table and put her head in her hands. Losing Wash on Mr. Universe's moon had been a blow that was particularly hard to bear. Every day she lived with the knowledge that, had it not been for her, he'd still be alive and well with Zoe. The thought that anyone else aboard Serenity, all of whom she now considered her family, might come to harm because of her, was unbearable and unacceptable. There had to be a solution to this problem. If she just thought about it hard enough, the solution will revealitself. Solving even the most challenging equations had never been a problem for her. Granted, physics was a lot less personal than this, but everything could be reduced to equations if done properly.

Long minutes of calculating kept bringing her to the same solution, but it was one she was unwilling to accept as the only viable answer. She was about to start over when the Captain's voice called out on the overhead.

"Everyone to the mess, we need to have a meeting."

****

Mal had printed captures of each of the warrants and had placed them on the table. Each person had found their respective warrant and was presently starting at it in dumb silence. Apparently, Jayne and River had left too soon; a warrant for Inara had followed Kaylee's and there had even been one for Wash, though Mal hadn't printed that particular warrant and had told the news to Zoe in hushed, respectful tones. He let the news sink in for a while before he started talking.

"Ain't the first time we've been on the wrong side of the law," he said.

"Speak for yourself," Inara said bitterly, and then bit her lip when she realized she had said it out loud.

Mal gave her a look that said he didn't believe she was all that innocent and then turned his attention back to the table.

"The Alliance has always been a particularly nasty thorn in our side, what with our business specialties and all. My thinking is that this will all blow over, but since it involves all of you, I want to know what you think."

Kaylee was the first to speak, tentatively raising her hand before she found her voice.

"This part right here, 'Dead or Alive,' what's that mean?"

"Just that," Mal answered.

"Means you're worth just as much as a corpse as you are breathing," Jayne interjected. "Also means they'd rather not deal with a trial. They're hoping some bounty hunter will get trigger happy and save them the cost of an execution."

All the color drained out of Kaylee's face as she sat back in her chair.

"Oh," was all she said.

Simon reached out to grasp her hand, but she didn't seem to feel it and after a moment he withdrew his hand.

"The amount's gone up," Simon said absently.

"Way to look on the bright side, Doc," Jayne said.

Mal glared at Jayne and looked at Zoe.

"Do you have any ideas as to what we should do about this?"

She shook her head but, after a moment, started to speak.

"How long till we're on Paquin?" she asked.

Mal looked to River, who did a quick calculation.

"A day and a half," she replied, "We could expedite our arrival with some manipulations of the engine and arrive in just under a day."

Mal shook his head.

"Don't think we're in any hurry to be planet bound, li'l albatross," he said and then looked back to Zoe, who nodded.

"When we get to Paquin," she said, "I say we send a two person team dirtside with comms and River can take Serenity out of the city to a more remote location until we call her back. Then we can spend a little time figuring out how hot these warrants are. I say we go to the post drop before we meet up with our contact and see if we have anything waiting for us there. That would be as good a place as any to see how wanted we really are and if there's too much of an interest in us, we skip planet and explain to Badger later."

"Badger won't be happy 'bout that," Jayne grumbled.

"We'll be alive," Zoe shot back.

Mal snorted.

"You say 'we' like _you're_ gonna to be one of the ones going."

Zoe pressed her lips tight together.

"I will be," was all she said, but Mal shook his head.

"You ain't goin'," he told her, "You lost, I mean we--" He paused and cleared his throat. "I ain't puttin' you at risk just yet. I'll take Jayne with me."

"You'll put _me_ at risk?" Jayne roared. "That's a fine thing. '_The mission's to dangerous for everybody else, let's put Jayne up front._' No. I ain't your man."

"I figure you to be the most intimidatin' of this bunch," Mal said, voice deadly. "If anyone is looking to collect on our bounties, they might be more apt to think twice if they see you. And you are my man, unless you want to have another conversation about the airlock."

Kaylee giggled when Mal called Jayne his man, but stopped and gave Jayne a curious look when Mal mentioned the airlock. Jayne lowered his head and glowered.

"I won't be so scary if'n I'm dead," he mumbled under his breath, but Mal pretended not to hear him.

"Sir," Zoe said[,] "Jayne obviously doesn't want to go, which will put _you _at risk if anything should happen. I'm going."

"You're not!" Mal barked.

Jayne leaned over the table towards her.

"You sayin' something about me?" he asked. "Sayin' I might run and leave the Cap'n behind if things get bad?"

"Wouldn't be the first—" she started to say and Jayne leapt up, but Mal put a hand on his shoulder and forced him back down in his seat.

"I'm the gorram Captain!" he yelled. "We'll do what I say!"

The table stared at him in silence. When he'd reigned in his emotions a bit, he cleared his throat and continued.

"Zoe had the right idea," he said. "When we get to Paquin, Jayne and I will go dirtside and suss out if we're in immediate danger. As _soon_ as we're unloaded, River you take the ship out of the city and hide her away someplace. Kaylee you keep Serenity ready for atmo."

Kaylee nodded, face still white. "Doc, I want you in your infirmary in case you're needed when we get back on board. Zoe, you're not coming with us, but I want you to be at the ready in case we have unwanted company to take care of. River you listen with a keen ear for me or Jayne to call. We might be needin' you right quick. If we don't contact you within an hour, you're to take Serenity out of atmo and Zoe will be in charge after that. She'll figure out what to do from there."

The whole table was silent, watching him, and Mal had an unwanted bit of déjà vu, remembering talking to the crew after they had learned the grim truth of Miranda. He shook his head, willing the image away, not wanting to taint the current situation with the outcome of the former.

"Does anyone have any objections?" he asked.

Zoe stood up, the legs of the chair scraping against the floor of the mess and left the room without another word. She was angry, but Mal hoped she would see reason later. Jayne raised his hand, but River pulled it down again. He shook her off and a hurt looked crossed her face.

"Apparently I don't," Jayne grumbled.

"Good," Mal said, "River said we've got a day and a half before we breach atmo[.] I say we relax a little; might be the last chance we have for a while."

****

As everyone filed out of the room, Inara approached Mal.

"You didn't mention me," she said.

When he gave her a questioning look, she continued.

"Everyone else has a duty, but you failed to mention me. I'm a part of this crew, too."

Mal sighed.

"Look," he explained, "I want you onboard and in your shuttle staying out of the way. Things might get messy."

"I've done messy before," she said, "Or are you forgetting—"

"I'm _not_ forgetting," he interrupted. "I just don't want to put you in harm's way again."

He put a hand on her arm and she stepped towards him, drawn in. He gave her a look full of regret and cleared his throat.

"If things aren't too hot on Paquin," he said, "I want you to take the shuttle and stay there."

"What?" she asked stunned.

"I don't know how big of a deal this is going to be," he said, "Dock on Paquin and stay onboard as much as possible 'cause you tend to stand out in a crowd. Wave Sihnon; _don't_ tell them where you are, and see how good those old government connections of yours are. See if you can get your warrant dropped on account of being a pawn in my plan or some such. If you can't, wave us and we'll pick you up on the way back from Tawaret. If things are still hot after that, we're going to need a more drastic plan."

"Pawn," she laughed bitterly, "Pawn? How _dare_ you."

"I'm only thinking of—"

"Me?" she interrupted, "Spare me. Please. You don't want me onboard, fine. The Training House welcomed me back once, I'm sure they'll do it again."

"Fine," Mal conceded angrily.

"Fine," Inara countered.

He threw his hands up in the air and stormed off, leaving her with tears in her eyes.

****

Out in the hallway, River stopped Jayne, as he opened the door to his bunk, with a gentle hand on his shoulder. He rounded on her and she backed into the opposite wall, there suddenly being too much of him for such a small place.

"You," he spat.

"I—" she started.

"If it weren't for you, none of this would have happened."

Simon stepped forward and put himself between River and Jayne.

"Now, just wait a minute," he cut in.

"No," Jayne said, "I won't. Weren't for her, or you, Wash'd still be alive. Book'd still be alive. We never woulda run afoul of that Operative. A whole mess of things wouldn't have happened if she weren't here."

The cord between them shuddered and snapped. Jayne gave her one last deadly glare before descending into his bunk. Simon turned around and looked at River.

"He's a buffoon," Simon said.

"And you're a boob," River replied as Kaylee walked by and Simon didn't even look at her.

Simon looked hurt and River changed course.

"He's right," she said.

"About what?" Simon asked, "About everything being alright if you weren't here? He's an ass."

"But he's right," she said. "It's time."

"Time for what? He didn't say a thing about it being time."

"To go back," River said and left her brother standing alone in the hallway.

****

It was raining on Tawaret. Still. Hiram had decided long ago that he could go the whole rest of his life without seeing another raindrop and die a happy man. When this was all said and done and he had the bounty money, he thought he might go and find a moon that was so dry that they had to haul up every drop of water they used from deep within the ground. Someplace where there was no damp air and the sun shone every minute of the day and you could see the stars at night. Someplace far away from this damn rock; he was done with it.

Despite the rain, things were busy outside. People rushed about in swamp boats, wearing brightly colored slickers, preparing for the Spring Festival that was only two weeks away. Tarps had been stretched over frames and beneath their canopy, the sounds of sawing and hammering could be heard. Hiram peered out the window, monitoring the progress as best he could without going outside and getting dirty. Things seemed to be coming along nicely. They should be ready for the festival on time. He chuckled. It would be his last festival. The thought was a comfort.

When he was satisfied that things were progressing as best they could, he pulled the shade and turned on some music to block out the sound of the infernal rain. He sat down in his chair and imagined himself on a dusty plain, wiping sweat from his brow and shielding his eyes from the punishing sun above. He had almost drifted off to sleep when there was a knock on his door. Cursing under his breath, Hiram walked across the room and opened the door. Wind blew the rain in, soaking the front of his best jacket. He hauled the man in front of him inside by his collar and slammed the door shut. The man, Logan Chen was his second in charge. Logan shook his coat out on the floor and hung it over the back of a chair.

"My rug," Hiram bellowed, "My chair!"

He swiped the coat from the back of the chair and threw it at Logan, who caught it and draped it over one arm. Logan pulled his glasses off, wiped the moisture from them and put them back on, then looked down at the sodden rug, the fine weave turning dark where the water was soaking in.

"Sorry," he said lamely and pushed his glasses up his nose.

Hiram grunted. Logan stood a full head taller than him. Most men did, actually, and it was easy to discount him for his size, but underneath his finely tailored suits was a soldier's body that he had never let go. He prided himself on that, that he could break a man's neck as easily at 40 as he could have at 19. Though his brown hair might have thinned on top and grayed at the temple and his blue eyes and thin lips were now surrounded by a fine web of lines and wrinkles, he had the strength and stamina of the boy he used to be. He sneered at Logan, imagining wiping the insouciant grin of the younger man's face with the back of his hand. He might have been his second in charge, but he couldn't stand the little shit.

"What the hell do you want?"

Logan pulled a small machine from his pocket, turned it on, and used his finger to scroll down the screen.

"Ambassador Lin, his wife, and two daughters will be arriving early this year due to scheduling conflicts," Logan said "His wave stated that he would like his accommodations prepared and a full staff waiting for when he arrives."

"Lin stays in which lodgings?"

"He stays on Poulter Hill, in the suites," Logan answered. "They're being renovated at the moment. They won't be ready in time for his arrival."

Hiram rubbed his chin, deep in thought.

"Put him up in the Field House," he replied "It's slightly smaller, but make sure he has the same amount of staff and inform his man that they have credit at any of the dining establishments for the duration of their stay."

Logan nodded and checked that item off his list.

"Also, the new hall is almost done," Logan said. "Vance asked me if you'd like to come and inspect it. They were setting the tables up when I was there earlier. The windows look out over the hills; the view will be spectacular."

"Hopefully this one won't get washed away," Hiram muttered. "And no, I don't want to go. I'll go when the rain stops."

"I thought you might say that," Logan responded and he pulled a small disc from his pocket. "I took some captures."

Hiram took the disc from him and walked across the room, inserting it into his cortex.

He reviewed the images and smiled.

"It's nice;" he said "A coat of paint and it will be very nice, indeed. Don't make it too nice, though. The Hall is only for those who can't afford to eat in the restaurants. We don't want the upper class getting jealous because the Hall is better than where they're eating. Can you imagine Ambassador Lin and his family sitting on benches and eating at long-tables with all the riffraff?"

He chortled loudly and looked at Logan, expecting to see amusement on the man's face. He didn't.

"The 'riffraff' as you call them," Logan sniffed, "Happen to be my family and friends. Your family and friends, too, I might add."

"I don't have family," Hiram countered. "I made myself what I am today _by_ myself. Don't ever forget that."

Logan nodded his head sharply and took the disc back. It and the machine disappeared back into his pocket and he put his coat back on, snapping it a bit as he straightened it and spraying Hiram with a fine mist of water. He walked across the room, opened the door and turned just before he went outside.

"A man with no friends has no allies," he said.

"I _pay_ people to be my allies," Hiram growled.

"Money doesn't buy everything," Logan said as he closed the door behind him.

"_Money doesn't buy everything,_" Hiram mocked in a falsetto voice as he went to another room to retrieve towels to mop up his carpet. He placed them on the wet rug and stomped on them.

"Damn rain," he muttered. "Damn planet."

His cortex beeped and he looked up to see what it was. On the screen was the face of the man that had been with Malcolm Reynolds, the one he had recognized from a previous warrant—Doctor Simon Tam. The bounty had gone up. Smiling, he crossed the room, carpet forgotten, to read the details. Before he had gotten too far, the doctor's sister appeared on the screen; her bounty had increased as well. Hiram entertained lovely fantasies in which he failed to tell Badger about the increase in the bounty and got away with it. Maybe he wouldn't have to run from Badger after all. He could pay him what he was expecting, pocket the profit, and _then_ he could leave this godforsaken place behind. He had gotten to the part where Badger was thanking him profusely and he was graciously accepting when the cortex screen beeped again and he was staring at Malcolm Reynolds. Hiram laughed so hard he nearly fell out of his chair. More warrants followed. He recognized Zoe from the War and the big moron from the last time Malcolm was here. There were three more that he didn't recognize, but the warrants listed them as Malcolm's crew. The warrants were huge, but that wasn't the best part. The best part was the words 'Dead or Alive' printed at the bottom.

Hiram rushed to the window, threw it open and hollered down to the street.

"Find Logan and send his ass back here!"

Then he sat back in his chair and smiled.

He would have Logan contact Ambassador Chen and send the authorities straight away. He would have them waiting here before Malcolm even arrived. Bringing in this many fugitives at once was sure to put him back in the good graces of the Alliance; they might even give him a governmental post. He could write his own ticket. To hell with Badger; he didn't need that petty crook anymore.

The window was still open and the rain pelted his back, but he didn't notice. Neither did he notice the break in the clouds and the small bit of sun that shone through.


	7. Update

I am going to be ending Go it Go Ahead. I lost contact with my beta and had written myself into a corner. I am going to completely retool this story, starting from the beginning, and finish it. I'm not sure if I'll delete this story and call it something else or just update this file. The new story will retain many elements of this one (some things will be verbatim), but it will hopefully be more intricate and enjoyable. I want to first thank my readers and subscribers and second ask if anyone would want to beta this new endeavor. PM me if you're interested. Thanks all!

Meg


End file.
